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Thomas Massie Suggests Returning to Spending Levels From Just Five Minutes Ago; Republicans Denounce Him as Lunatic Extremist

WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking display of fiscal radicalism, Representative Thomas…

Open-Borders Libertarians Create Ellis Island-Style Processing Station to Vet New Party Volunteers

ROCHESTER, NY — Declaring themselves champions of radical inclusion and freedom of…

Libertarian Comes in 8th in 3-Way Race; Mathematicians Puzzled but Say the Numbers Check Out

LUBBOCK, TX — In what experts are calling “arithmetically improbable but technically…

Libertarian Affiliate Applauds Year of Denunciations, Procedural Drama, and No Observable Impact

TRENTON, NJ — The New Jersey Libertarian Party held its annual convention…

Neoliberal Friend Says U.S. Foreign Policy ‘Generally Goes Pretty Well’ Despite Trail of Smoldering Craters

ARLINGTON, VA — Despite a decades-long record of regime changes gone sideways,…

International Affairs Grad Student Takes on Six-Figure Debt to Learn to Hate Russia

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Local graduate student Marissa Lane, 26, has racked up…

Defense Think Tank Analyst Casually Refers to Eastern Europe as “The Chessboard” at Happy Hour

ARLINGTON, VA — During what was meant to be a casual after-work…

College Marxist Assumes Yet Another Ethnic Identity

BERKELEY, CA — Undergraduate student and campus Marxist Blake Renner, 21, has…