BERKELEY, CA — Undergraduate student and campus Marxist Blake Renner, 21, has reportedly adopted yet another ethnic identity this semester, leaving classmates confused, exhausted, and quietly wondering how many ancestral homelands one man can claim.
“Last fall, he said he was Sicilian. Then over winter break he was suddenly ‘Ukrainian-adjacent,’” said fellow student Maya Li. “Now he’s Romanian — like, deeply Romanian. Spiritually. He’s wearing linen shirts and quoting Carpathian poets.”
Blake, who refers to himself as “post-identity but identity-informed,” has also previously identified as Basque, Levantine, vaguely Celtic, and one time “ethnically Byzantine.”
“I’m not just one thing,” Blake told reporters. “Capitalism wants us in neat boxes. My lineage is more like a tapestry — woven by struggle and diaspora. Besides, my great-grandmother once dated a man from Moldova.”
His evolving heritage reportedly always aligns with the politics of the moment. During labor discussions, he becomes “proudly Italian working class.” During post-colonial critiques, he speaks “from a place of Balkan trauma.” During group projects, he mostly just disappears.
At least one professor has expressed quiet concern. “I asked him why his paper cited only sources from ethnic backgrounds he’s recently claimed,” said Dr. Elman. “He said it was lived experience. I said, ‘But it’s a book report on Animal Farm.’”
Reached for comment, Blake’s mother, Sharon Renner of Westchester County, replied: “I don’t know what he’s into now, but if he’s not eating something, tell him I still have a whole babka in the freezer from Rosh Hashanah. You can’t get that kind of babka out there, they don’t use enough cinnamon.”
At press time, Blake was seen sipping Turkish coffee while explaining that his Slavic-Mediterranean roots gave him a unique lens on late-stage imperial decay.
