SPOKANE, WA — Parishioners at St. Philip’s Anglican Church sat in quiet bewilderment this past Sunday as Rev. Jonathan Post delivered a stirring 38-minute sermon detailing the betrayal of Melkor, the forging of the Silmarils, and the fall of Númenor — entirely unaware he was quoting J.R.R. Tolkien’s The Silmarillion nearly verbatim.
“Today, we reflect on the pride of Fëanor and the doom of Mandos,” Post declared, his voice rising with conviction. “For even the Valar weep at the darkening of Valinor!”
Congregants exchanged hesitant glances as the minister elaborated on the forging of the Silmarils, the betrayal of Melkor, and the kinslaying at Alqualondë, occasionally referencing “the blessed realm” and urging believers to resist “the lies of Morgoth.”
“I just assumed it was from one of those ancient church councils we didn’t cover in confirmation,” said longtime member Carol Denby, who took three pages of notes and underlined “Ungoliant” as if it were a minor prophet.
The sermon, which began with a dramatic reading of “the Music of the Ainur” and traced a cosmic battle between divine beings and an ancient darkness, was delivered with such solemnity and incense that no one thought to question it.
“It’s not like I’ve been to seminary,” said Tom Granger. “And he was on a roll. Didn’t want to interrupt the flow.”
Unbeknownst to Rev. Post, the confusion began when he reached into his bag that morning and, in a rush, pulled out a leather-bound edition of The Silmarillion instead of his annotated Book of Common Prayer. The similarity in formatting and general tone — “fairly apocalyptic and full of long names,” Post noted — didn’t raise alarms until he noticed a footnote about Valar.
“I thought it was a poetic translation of some obscure apocryphal text,” he later admitted. “Honestly, it preached beautifully. The fall, pride, light in darkness — it all worked. And it got more nods than my entire stewardship series last month.”
While some attendees quietly questioned whether “Valinor is in the same region as Galilee,” most said they found the message “strangely moving” and “probably very old.”
At press time, Rev. Bell was preparing next week’s homily, tentatively titled “The Return of the King: Advent, Aragorn, and the Hope That Does Not Wither.”
