Thomas Massie Suggests Returning to Spending Levels From Just Five Minutes Ago; Republicans Denounce Him as Lunatic Extremist
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a shocking display of fiscal radicalism, Representative Thomas…
Open-Borders Libertarians Create Ellis Island-Style Processing Station to Vet New Party Volunteers
ROCHESTER, NY — Declaring themselves champions of radical inclusion and freedom of…
Astronomers Spot Three Gray Pixels a Million Light-Years Away, Confidently Declare It’s Dust From a Failed Star With Complex Feelings About Gender
PALO ALTO, CA — In what they called a “paradigm-shattering discovery,” astronomers…
BREAKING: Paleontologists Confirm T. Rex Was Actually Kind of a Giant Pussy
"More of a prehistoric theater kid than a predator," researchers explain BOZEMAN,…
Libertarian Comes in 8th in 3-Way Race; Mathematicians Puzzled but Say the Numbers Check Out
LUBBOCK, TX — In what experts are calling “arithmetically improbable but technically…
Anglican Priest Accidentally Preaches Entire Sermon from The Silmarillion; Congregation Too Polite to Interrupt
SPOKANE, WA — Parishioners at St. Philip’s Anglican Church sat in quiet…
Libertarian Affiliate Applauds Year of Denunciations, Procedural Drama, and No Observable Impact
TRENTON, NJ — The New Jersey Libertarian Party held its annual convention…
New Strategy Proposed: Libertarians Urged to Maybe Not Put Biggest Weirdos Front and Center; Roundly Rejected, Immediately Booed
GRAND RAPIDS, MI — A bold new strategy was proposed at this…
Neoliberal Friend Says U.S. Foreign Policy ‘Generally Goes Pretty Well’ Despite Trail of Smoldering Craters
ARLINGTON, VA — Despite a decades-long record of regime changes gone sideways,…
Man Blames Loneliness on Capitalist Alienation, Still Hasn’t Washed Sheets in Seven Months
CHICAGO, IL — Local man Jared Fine, 28, claimed this week that…