World Leaders Revealed to Be Ageless Demonic Entities Sustained by Human Suffering; Your Neoliberal Friend Says “That’s a Good Thing, Actually”
GENEVA — In a joint press conference that tore open the veil…
Knitting Club Passes Bold Resolution Condemning Bad Things, Supporting Good Things; Leadership Says It’s a Turning Point
MAPLE RIDGE, WA — In what club officials are calling “a necessary…
Calvinist Takes Credit for Choosing to Attend Church, Briefly Forgets Everything He Believes
GREENVILLE, SC — Local Calvinist Zackery McClintock, 32, experienced a brief but…
Libertarian Shocked by 27th Straight Election Loss After Spending Entire Campaign Giving Speeches to Other Libertarians
SPRINGFIELD, IL — Gerald Whitmore, 68, a buttoned-up libertarian fixture who has…
Anarcho-Libertarian Has Every Answer for Society’s Problems, Still Can’t Get Anyone to Swipe Right
WEST, TX — Local anarcho-capitalist Brandon Kessler, 24, has spent the better…
College Student Takes Someone’s Seat, Performs Land Acknowledgment to Justify It
PORTLAND, OR — Chaos quietly unfolded Tuesday morning in a packed lecture…
College Marxist Assumes Yet Another Ethnic Identity
BERKELEY, CA — Undergraduate student and campus Marxist Blake Renner, 21, has…
Defense Think Tank Analyst Casually Refers to Eastern Europe as “The Chessboard” at Happy Hour
ARLINGTON, VA — During what was meant to be a casual after-work…
International Affairs Grad Student Takes on Six-Figure Debt to Learn to Hate Russia
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Local graduate student Marissa Lane, 26, has racked up…
Atheist Consoles Grieving Mother by Reminding Her It’s All Just a Series of Chemical Reactions
DENVER, CO — In a powerful display of emotional intelligence, local atheist…