AUSTIN, TX — Self-described “logic enjoyer” and militant atheist Brian Wexler, 34, spent the better part of Wednesday trashing religion on Reddit and calling a coworker’s Bible verse mug “a symptom of mass delusion,” before quietly excusing himself to hang out with his friend group who identify as witches and refer to their cats as “familiars.”
“Religion is a dangerous fairy tale for people who can’t handle reality,” said Wexler, moments before stepping over a salt circle into an apartment filled with macabre art, moon calendars, and five people in various shades of thrifted velvet with dyed hair arguing over which crystals are safe to microwave.
Sources say Wexler, a frequent Reddit contributor in r/atheism and r/BadChristianMemes, regularly posts rants about how prayer is “just wishful thinking for adults who fear death,” but has never once questioned why his friend group holds full-moon ceremonies to “honor the divine feminine.”
Though he frequently rants about the intellectual dishonesty of theism, Wexler remains inexplicably unbothered by the fact that his closest social circle refers to itself as “the coven” and once canceled game night because Saturn was “in an aggressive posture.”
Asked if the witchcraft ever conflicts with his deeply held materialist worldview, Wexler replied, “What? Oh. No, that’s different. It’s not, like, a religion.”
Later that night, Wexler returned to Reddit to accuse a Christian food pantry volunteer of spreading “Bronze Age brain rot,” while completely ignoring the woman beside him who was softly humming into a mason jar full of rainwater.
