In an exciting leap forward for convenience Christianity, New Light Harvest Elevation Hills Fellowship Church has unveiled the nation’s first drive-thru baptism, allowing busy believers to experience spiritual rebirth without ever leaving their SUVs.
Senior Pastor Skylar Chadson, wearing a waterproof headset mic, blessed the grand opening by dunking a congregant through the sunroof of a Tesla Model Y. “People are hungry for transformation,” Chadson said, “but also for a breakfast burrito.”
At Station One, drivers select their baptism mode: traditional pour-over, full dunk, or “Holy Mist” for luxury cars with leather interiors. A no-splash lane is available for BMW owners who “prefer symbolic washing.”
Station Two offers a combo upgrade, where participants can add a Communion Snack Pack — complete with a pre-sealed wafer, a juice shot, and a collectible verse sticker — all for $5.99.
Additional menu items include Blessed Burgers, Moses Mozzarella Sticks, and Red Sea Slushies, as well as a rotating selection of TestaMINT gum. A kids’ meal, the Little Disciple Box™, comes with a toy shaped like one of the minor prophets and a juice box labeled “100% Sanctified.”
“We believe faith should meet people where they’re at — especially if they’re headed to the Chick-fil-A drive-thru next door,” said Kelsey Brent, the church’s Executive Director of Guest Experience. “This is about removing obstacles to obedience, like parking.”
Worship hits pump through the outdoor speakers while the car moves through the stations. Families are encouraged to roll down their windows for a brief sermon, although many report the message was just the worship leader reading motivational quotes from Pinterest over ambient synth music.
The final stop includes a tithing kiosk, a motivational quote printed on your receipt, and a free air freshener shaped like a dove.
Response has been overwhelming. “I got saved, fed, and made it to soccer practice with time to spare,” said local mom Candace W., her minivan still dripping from a deluxe Trinitarian dunk. “And my son got the large fry anointing. He’s glowing.”
Future expansions may include drive-thru altar calls and express lane blessings for platinum members.
