PHOENIX, AZ — Local podcast host and self-described “political free agent” Jordan Aimes, 43, announced today that he no longer subscribes to any ideology, party, or label — preferring instead to float in a liminal space of seething contempt for all human behavior.
“I used to be a libertarian,” Aimes said on episode 147 of his podcast Unbound, recorded in his truck outside a Planet Fitness. “But then I realized… liberty means different things to different people, and all of them are wrong.”
Aimes, who once ran a Ron Paul fan page and has a Gadsden flag tattoo he now claims is “ironic,” insists his worldview has “matured.” These days, he spends his time attacking leftists for being hysterical, libertarians for being useless, and conservatives for not being as radical as his group chat.
“He’s always saying he’s post-ideological,” said an ex-girlfriend, who asked to remain anonymous. “But he still finds a way to argue with cashiers about zoning laws.”
Sources confirm Aimes frequently criticizes others for being trapped in echo chambers while exclusively citing blogs that refer to local governments as “death cults” and says city dwellers live in “kill zones.”
“He said he’s beyond politics,” said his roommate Vince, “but then he spent 40 minutes explaining how local water ordinances are a psyop. I just asked if he wanted tap or bottled.”
Asked what his solution to modern governance might be, Aimes said, “Decentralization. Intentional communities. Exit. Or maybe feudal techno-monarchy. I’m just spitballing.”
At press time, Aimes was reportedly rage-commenting on a Nextdoor post about potholes, accusing the poster of “believing in coercive monopolies like a child.”
