BOISE, ID — Local man Kyle Denton, 29, declared religion “cringe” Wednesday afternoon while gesturing with an arm that prominently features a full-color Rick and Morty tattoo.
“Believing in an invisible sky wizard is peak delusion,” said Denton, whose right bicep displays a screaming Pickle Rick bursting from a wormhole and holding a bong. “I only follow evidence and reason — not some 2,000-year-old book written by desert people.”
Friends say Denton frequently refers to himself as a “freethinker” and describes religion as “mind poison for people too weak to accept the void,” despite regularly quoting Rick Sanchez with the solemnity of a seminary professor citing Augustine.
“He once told me ‘Wubba lubba dub dub’ was a more honest expression of suffering than anything in the Psalms,” said longtime friend Jeremy S., visibly tired. “I just wanted to eat brunch.”
Denton, who believes monogamy is a “social construct” and that the Bible is “plagiarized from Sumerian death myths,” reportedly has not read either. His other tattoos include a floating Carl Sagan head inside a nebula, a stylized atom surrounded by mushrooms, and a cryptic symbol he insists means “Think For Yourself.”
When asked what gives his life meaning, Denton replied, “Nothing does — but that’s beautiful, bro. Now pass me that vape.”
At press time, he was passionately arguing in a Discord server that consciousness is just a hallucination with pattern recognition.
