MADISON, WI — Local Libertarian Party member Avery Quinn, 40, was awarded the Post-Libertarian Recruiter of the Year plaque this week for their outstanding success in making libertarianism seem unbearable to anyone with a functioning social instinct.
“Every month we hear from someone who says, ‘Yeah, I liked the ideas, but then I went to a meeting and Avery was there,’” said Dusty Klein, a former member now organizing an offshoot discussion group that Avery has labeled “a hate group.” “At some point it stopped being about liberty and started being about correcting each other’s language.”
Avery, who describes themself as “anarcho-feminist mutualist with market-curious tendencies,” proudly patrols local LP meetings for microaggressions, problematic language, and anyone who doesn’t already know what cisheteronormativity means.
“I’m not here to explain the basics,” said Avery, adjusting their Pronoun of the Revolution pin. “If someone can’t handle a respectful conversation about how private property reinforces whiteness, they’re probably not ready for liberty.”
Meeting attendance has dropped sharply since Avery began showing up regularly and publicly scolding new members for using gendered language or asking “problematic” questions about gun rights and taxes. One attendee was asked to leave after describing himself as “just a regular libertarian,” prompting the response: “Do you mean that in a colonial way?”
“I was told my use of the word ‘freedom’ was ‘loaded,’” said Mark Jensen, 42, who left the meeting and joined a bowling league. “I just wanted to talk about ending the drug war.”
Despite hemorrhaging potential recruits, Avery is unfazed. “If we’re not centering neurodivergent, postcolonial, body-neutral frameworks within libertarian municipalism, what are we even doing here?”
At press time, Avery was seen confidently leading a breakout session titled “Decentralized Polyamory as a Praxis of Resistance” to an audience of three very tired regulars and one guy who was just looking for a Dungeons & Dragons group.
