CANTON, GA — Local marketing professional and self-described “doer” Tessa Marks, 33, entered her first Libertarian Party affiliate meeting Wednesday night bright-eyed and full of ideas — and left 90 minutes later emotionally hollowed out, having aged spiritually at least a decade.
“I just thought maybe I could help organize a voter drive or run social media or something,” Tessa said softly, staring into the middle distance like someone who’d just returned from war. “But instead I watched four grown men argue about Robert’s Rules for 47 minutes before passing a motion to form a committee to revise the wording of a motion from last month.”
Tessa, who brought printouts, a Google Calendar, and what she described as “a spirit of optimism,” was immediately asked to explain her views on the Napoleonic Code, the Fed, and whether taxation is slavery or just light coercion.
“It was like I accidentally walked into a grad seminar taught by someone who got kicked off Twitter for calling the Post Office a psyop,” she said.
Sources confirm that her suggestion to “maybe make an Instagram reel or something fun” was met with dead silence before one member muttered, “What’s that got to do with policy?” Moments later, someone in the back fake-coughed “statist” into their elbow.
“I thought I was joining a party of action,” she added. “But by the end, they were debating whether a ‘Resolution to End Tyranny’ should be printed on yellow or ivory cardstock.”
At press time, Tessa was seen scratching out her name on the volunteer sign-up sheet.
